Twilights Trade~

Alright now I am just sorta going to write whats on my mind because really, I don't know where to start which is crazy considering that technicly I already have.

Alright what ahs been going on with Twilight. Well lets do a quick update and then I will revisit each thing on the list to give a little bit more info.
1)my family life is crap.
2)my family life is crap(is diserved two...)
3)Dawn is awsome (I should be putting this 100 times but I dought you can make a post that long so lets just say this post x100.)
4)When will Prince learn that whilst he may be my Prince I have already ran away with my knight in shining armour and so he should give up((but hes not even my prince I just think that line sounded cool...)

1- I hate my family. They are meanies to put it lightly. So recently my life with them has been getting pretty bad. ((note the family life is crap part...)) They use to yell,scream and snark at me 24/7. Then turn around and blame it on me. Ok being truthfully honest this was only my mother and her boyfriend but my sisters making up for it now.
So here I was I was trying SO hard to be perfect but they kept getting worse and wrose. To kicking me out at like midnight to have to walk to Dawns only to burst into tears because I felt so bad for having to go into his house because I had no where else to go....by now thats pretty normal.
Anyways it ended up so bad thatI ran away t Dawns and vowed never to comeback. Sadly when Dawns parents had to come home from Meexico I was booted out and so because I had no place to go and my counciler SAID that if I went home we were going to talk and I would only have to agree if aggrements I wrote down were met. She also said she would be there.
She wasn't there.
My agreements meant nothing.
My moms boyfriend(who decided he would take the place of my counciller and thought it was a good idea becase he was fair I don't know. It may have been someone in my moms body but who ever it was they ar egone now 'cus shes gone to being nice....I thnk I hate this more.) openly picked on me
They both did actully.
It was The worst expiariance of my life.

And now they are just being friendly and pretending it never happened while making silent jabs at me that it WAS indeed al my fault after hiding all my loved possesions ,wether or not they were purchased by them) so that I won't run away again. And I can't find the necklace Dawn gave me.

Im thinking oh shit.

Twilight Depression-

Well you know those days where everything gets you down? I had one of those days,as the only uplifting thing was to read my Dawn's letter over and over,always keeping it with me, as his ring hung around my neck and the flowers he gave me loomed close by. If he was in town I would run to the safety of his arms. I was crying not a moment ago. It just all seemed to hit me. Then again it would have been life is always this troubling I just haven't noticed until I know that I can't be uplifted by my Dawn. I can't run to his aid the moment something goes wrong or I am afraid.....
He has gone curling for the weekend. If I could, I would have gone with him to watch him curl and so both of us wouldn't have to be away from each other. This is the first time since I recognized that my hate for him was simply a grudge against Prince in not wanting to be heartbroken again and that I actually loved my Dawn.
He gave me flowers and letters for every day he's gone but I find even that is not enough. I miss him terribly. I want to scream aloud and know that ,no matter how far away he is, he will hear me,run home to me and hold me in his arms as I let go the feelings I know I'm holding in.

Now I know a few of you are going to read this and argue me. Or be upset. Don't be. If you are someone who has already be mentioned just know I take no offence. You meant no harm but did not think of you'r actions either. You did not think as you were smiling and trying to give eachother the happyness you had longed for so long.
Don't talk about it either. Let us pretend it never happened as I simply run away from that very thing that caused my breakdown to the point I had to get the ruler of night and day to come save me. I'm so glad I have her.

Anyways so here I was. Missing my loverly Dawn. Awakening (By Mae) played in the background of my head as I tried to not only hold back the tears and lonlyness but try and play DND as well...without thinking that,if this were any other DND week, I would be in his arms and,in a small amount of time, by more than just in his arms.

Yet it seemed life had more thrown in front of me.

Bun-Bun decided that he would ,against my wishes that I had stated LAST DND, to not pay any attention to DND in any way. Sure he roleplay but that's not the same as paying attention. He would get off topic,get really loud and all he seemed to care about was him character being SO funny and flirting with his girlfriend. I think even his girlfriend noticed how un-calm he was being. When I told him it was bothering me he glared at me,got mad, and he even raised his voice.((I would love to say he yelled at me but I know I will be argued. So I won't but that's indeed what it felt like.))

Now think of this. Not two weekends ago me and Dawn were talking as everyone else was playing DND because we were not needed and Bun-Bun REALLY yelled got mad ,split us up and left me feeling like crap.

Now he's even worse and when I kindly tell him,then strongly tell him, he doesn't even listen to me. He tends to argue more about it and get more angry when he knows it's his fault.

So I'm quitting DND. I won't be in a place where I know it's his fault but I can't change him. I can only change myself. SO this is what I'M going to do to make myself happier. I know she won't stop coming. I don't blame her. DND is really fun ,specially when your with your boyfriend, and she really shouldn't have to leave. It's not her fault he gets out of hand when he is only following what seems to be his love and sex drive for someone as amazing as her.

I think the thing I'm going to miss most is the excuse to sleepover with Dawn.
That will suck.
Then again,maybe we can just sleepover alone without all the other people,or at least hang out till really really late.

Twilight.

Twilights Tomorrow~

Well isn't this funny. For me ,Twilight, to see the sun rise....I don't think it has ever been like this. More and more Dawn is taking over me ,heart and mind, and I have found myself filling up with such a happiness and warmth for everyone around me as they all seem to be having their happy endings. Even my moms happy ,and when she isn't, it's like its so far away from me because I'm so much in my head because I'm trying to implant all my memories with Dawn by my side for when he has to leave in three days or even less so that I won't lose this happiness.

Although he does have to go away for his sport, I mean other than the obvious sport of turning dark people like me into light. I will miss him but he's so happy when he's doing his thing I have to support him. He loves it and I love him doing it.....not that it makes the days away from him any easier.

Twilight.

~Twilight Night/Day~

Well I have so much thats happened in the small time frame.
First off you will never guess what?! I was talking to Prince and in the thing that he admited he had liked me he said it was just lust!! It kinda really hurts my pride. I had really thought we were going to be together...a long time ago. He only saw me as easy I guess. I mean I thought it all along...in the back of my mind , knewing he would dump me for someone like her, pretty and popular but I guess I thought that if I could appeal to his lust I could keep him...not that I regret anyhting about not being with him now but I gave him everything I had and alot that I didn't. I worked myself so hard...just to have him not like me in any way.

Atleast I have Dawn. Who I hung out with today and plan on hanging out with omorrow and the day after.

Thankfully.

~Twilgihts Turmoil~

First off theme song lists!!:
Hayden=
a)so what by P!nk
b)Another you by cascada

Me=
a)Who I am hates who I'v been
b)25 hours

Ok so you remember the ruler of night and day yes? Well it just so happens she is sick. now she is going to the hospital! Now im a little freaked out because ,even though I may have ranted about her once or twice, I still love her. I don't want her to have to spend her every day going in and out of hospitals.

Ya. Thats not on my to see list.

Anyways yesterday was another night filled of talking and DND. I stayed up till 4 in the morning ((4:30....)) with my Dawn and I don't quite know when the others went to sleep.

Anyways ok you know how sometimes the last person you would expect says something toally random that you would have never heard from you'r mouth and yet ,although normally you would know how to answer you are toally dumb founded and have no idea.....

Ok so person ((who wished to remain unknown so we WILL be keeping it that way.)) We will call her Star, was talking to me and all of the suddens he asks me if Im going to marry Dawn. 0.0. Not only when I asnwer that I don't she continues on by saying how much she likes DAwn and she hated Prince always and then she goes ON even farther by asking me to please have kids.

How do I answer that? By saying I guess it would by up to Dawn.

.......0.0.........

Twilight.

~Twilights Other Rant~

So for anyone who was intereste din my other rant here it is. ((although it's a little different))





Ok so my friend ,we will call him Bun-Bun. Now Bun-Bun has this new girlfriend right? Im really happy for him and all. I mean for once I actully think he may like ehr...although he will always be insicure. He more and more shows me that he likes her and on the sleepover he really showed me. I have hope for him in having a really great relationship with this girl.



The problem? He showed it by echoing fears I thought would happen once he finally fell in love.



Ok so boy meets girl. Boy falls in love with Girl. Boy finally gets girl and then....what happens to boys best friend?

~Sleepovers In Twilight~

Ok. So first we will start off with some rants((sorry to the second person I think your awesome but whatever. First person...I could care less if you fell off the face of the earth because really that is the relationship you have made us have anyway. Two different people never meeting exept to exchange pleasantries at our lockers where you try and become friends,maybe more I'm beginning to think you regret leaving me, until your girlfriend comes and glares at me....If you haven't guessed that it's Prince...you dont deserve to read this blog.))

Ok first rant. I'm almost sure Prince wants me back. Weather by accident or not I don't even care anymore but his hand totally rubbed against my ass. Not only that but when you loved her you forgot I existed ,en less you were making her happy yelling at me about how its killing you that shes mad at you because the glares I send as I try and get away from you but won't tell me whats wrong when i finally see the real prince is to personal. Even if you asked her out I wouldn't even come back. Do you think you can just rule my heart? Dawn lights it up in a way you never could without fear or insecurity...unlike you.

If you asked me out the only reason I would ever even think about you in that way was if...
a-you weren't with her
b-you have gone back to my prince
c-you had totally publicly told her that's why you were leaving her and that you made the wrong choice.

Even then Id probably choose dawn. 99.9% sure I would choose him.
Ill do the other rant later.